Building Trust Between You and Your Children

It’s important for children to trust their parents and for parents to trust their children. Trust takes time to build. We can show our children we love them and that they can trust us starting at a young age. Unfortunately, the world we live in is full of distrustful people. Our children need to feel safe in knowing that we, their parents, will provide an atmosphere where they feel secure to be themselves and talk to us about any topic, even uncomfortable ones.

As parents we can make a commitment to build a positive and trusting relationship with all of our children. I’ve heard of situations where children have gone through negative things but they never opened up to their parents about what was going on because there was never any trust built between them. We can avoid many problems and fix situations by simply paying attention and talking with our children. And in order for them to feel comfortable talking and opening up to us, we need to take time to build trust with each of them.

All children want to feel loved and cared about by their parents. And those who don’t receive it can easily become prey to evil predators that take advantage of insecure children and teens. This is not to scare anyone, but to serve as an encouragement to parents to genuinely be involved in your children’s lives. We can’t be so busy or so unobservant of what is going on with our kids.

Here are some ways that I believe are helpful in building trust with your children. The first is that you should talk to your kids each day about how they are feeling, details of events from the day, and the friends and people they are interacting with. Pay attention to their words, tones, and body language. Talk to them in a caring way, not in a distrustful way.

Secondly, we can build trust with our children by being careful not to embarrass them. For example, sometimes people will post pictures on social media of their children misbehaving or doing something shameful. I think it is helpful to think about how your child would feel if they knew their actions were posted online for the world to see. How will they feel as teenagers knowing there is an embarrassing photo or video of them posted online? Sure, you can delete it but it’s still in the cloud. It's something to think about. Also the way we talk to them matters. If they are out in public doing something wrong, you can privately talk to them where only they can hear you so they aren’t humiliated in front of everyone.

The third way to build trust with your children is by not telling everyone about the negative situations they may be going through. Certain situations that your children go through don’t always need to be shared with others. You are breaking your child’s trust when you go around telling everyone about the negative things they are experiencing. And many times the people you share it with will share it with someone else, which leads to continuous gossip about your child. Proverbs 11:13 says, “A gossip betrays confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” Just like you wouldn’t want a friend or trusted person spreading your personal business, you shouldn’t do it to your kids. Children have feelings too. Many times we think it doesn’t matter and that things don’t affect them, but they do. Kids understand more than we give them credit for.

The fourth way to build trust with your children is to keep your word. Can your children trust you to do what you say you are going to do? Or have you set a standard to where they don’t believe anything you say or view you as a liar because the majority of the time you never follow through? Would you trust someone who consistently didn’t follow through with what they said they would do? Kids pick up on this type of behavior from their parents.

Lastly, parents should tell their children that they trust them to do the right thing. Knowing that you have this expectation of them will encourage them in this area. You should also compliment your kids when trust is shown. Tell them you are proud of them when they do right. I let my kids know that I appreciate it when they tell me something that happened when I wasn’t around that they could have kept to themselves. I say, “Thank you for telling me. I’m so glad I can trust you to tell me things.” And it makes them feel good and encourages them to do it again.

Building trust with all of your kids is important. There are too many situations in which favorites are played amongst siblings. And it’s hurtful to the child who feels left out. Each child should feel loved. And parents have to find a way to connect and build trust with each child, no matter their personality.

I hope you are encouraged to create a safe environment in your home and wherever you go that shows your children that you love them and that they can trust you. Take it one step at a time, day by day. With consistency in this, you will see your relationship with your children positively grow. Everything mentioned in this post, I have to continue to work on with my children too. You are not alone. I pray this blog will be a blessing to all parents who read it. You can do all things with God’s help!