Don’t Give in to Your Kids’ Whining and Complaining

It can be so frustrating when your kid starts whining out in public because they aren’t getting their way. They want that toy in the store that you said they can’t have. They start whining at the top of their lungs. Everyone in the store is looking at you, as if you are a horrible parent. So what should you do? Option 1: Give in to your child’s demands, even though you know you shouldn’t do it. This way the crying will stop and so will the stares from strangers. Option 2: Be firm and patiently tell your child that you already said no and that they aren’t getting a toy every time they go to the store. And ignore the stares of the people around you. Well as hard and uncomfortable as it may be, option 2 is the best option.

I’ve learned through my own teaching and parenting experience that giving in to your children’s whining and complaining demands only teaches your children to continue that behavior because they know they will get their way. Children are very smart and catch on quickly. Sometimes we don’t feel like dealing with the situation. There are times when we let the opinions of others negatively influence us. Trust me, I totally get it. But we have to teach our children that this type of behavior is not acceptable.

It’s helpful to tell your children your expectations of behavior before entering a situation. For example, I tell my children BEFORE we enter the store that we are only getting the items on our list. They are also told that they will be disciplined if they decide to have a temper tantrum in the store. Reminding your children each time helps them so they know what you expect.

Also you must follow through with your consequences. If they decide to whine and complain after you gave them a warning of what would happen (e.g- losing screen time, getting their favorite toy taken away for the day, etc) then you have to follow through with what you said you will do. If you don’t follow through you are teaching them that they can ignore what you say, do whatever they want to do, and not receive any type of punishment for negative behavior. The more you follow through, the easier it becomes.

Kids love their snacks. You might find that your children want to overeat. They want more and start whining because you said they can’t have more. I’ve learned to explain to my children that the reason I don’t want them to overeat is so they don’t get a stomachache. I tell them that they shouldn’t eat too much sugar because it’s not good for their body or teeth. I also explain to them the importance of monitoring their food portions so they can feel good and maintain a healthy weight. This can be hard because kids enjoy snacks. But it’s important we teach children healthy habits. If a crying and whining session starts while you are at an event, talk with your child privately, away from the others. Remind them about the correct way to behave.

Screen time is another favorite for children. When their allotted screen time is over, they usually want to continue watching more TV. I’ve been in this situation too. Some strategies I use are telling my kids that too much TV is not good for their brain. I remind them of all the other fun activities they have at home to do such as playing with toys, reading, drawing, writing, playing board and card games, using their imagination, and playing outside. Yes, in the beginning, your kids will most likely whine and complain about how they want to keep watching their TV show. This is a normal response. Eventually, if you stay consistent, they will learn that there are more things to do with their day than watch TV or play games on the phone or iPad. They will learn to be more creative. And you are teaching them that complaining and whining will not allow them to get their way.

There are times when your child might whine because they aren’t ready to leave when they are playing. This could happen while they are on the playground, at a play date, or special event. I have found that giving them a heads up that they have 5 minutes left to play helps. This way they don’t have to stop right on the spot in whatever they are doing. This gives them time to squeeze in one more quick activity. I usually set a 5 minute timer on my phone. When it goes off I tell them “Your timer has gone off. It’s time to go.” If they take too long to come I say “If you want me to let you do more fun things you have to come so we can leave when it’s time to go”. I’ve also played songs or said a line from children’s songs that help with these situations. The songs are “It’s Almost Time to Stop” by Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood and “Time to Go” by StoryBots. I recommend you try playing these songs for your kids wherever you stream music. Songs really help motivate kids.

Homework is another time when children might complain or whine. It’s important to teach them that homework is important for their learning and it’s required of them to complete whether they want to or not. Teach them the importance of great work ethic and diligence. Let them know that complaining and whining will not get them out of doing their responsibilities. Some methods that can help are to allow them to have a break and snack when they get home from school so they can unwind. Then you can tell them that the quicker they get started, the quicker they will get it done so they can play. Remember to be consistent.

Doing chores can invite complaining and whining too. Kids need to learn how to do chores so that they can take care of their home when they become an adult You can make them a chore list and explain your expectations so they know what is expected of them. Then remember to follow through with it. It will benefit them in the end.

It’s normal for kids to initially whine and complain when they don’t get their way. You are not alone. As a parent, you have to teach them the right way to behave. Don’t let your children’s whining and complaining intimidate you. Don’t worry about others’ opinions of you. It’s easy for others to judge when they aren’t in that particular situation.

It takes time to train our children and help them in this area. Even when you feel you may have mastered it, there will be times when your children will test you in order to try to get their way again. But you can be firm, loving, and patient with them so they can improve their character. Don’t give up! What you do for your kids now helps mold how they will be as an adult. Have you ever met an adult who is always whining and complaining every time something doesn’t go their way? Don’t let your children turn into that kind of adult. Remember, your kids need you to help guide them. You can do everything you need to do with God’s help.