Helping Your Children Handle Opposition

Accepting the fact that everyone is not going to agree with you or like you all of the time is a topic that even adults can struggle with. It’s an important life lesson that children should learn from their parents early on, because they will encounter it throughout life. There will be times when your children might tell you that someone was unkind to them. They may say that someone said they don’t like them or that someone said they aren’t good at something. We have to teach our children to be strong and help them understand that everyone will not always be in agreement with them. When we teach them about their positive self-worth, as mentioned in the first blog post, we can help them understand that they are still special no matter what anyone else says or thinks about them.

Opposition is defined in the dictionary as a person or group of people opposing, criticizing, or protesting something, someone, or another group. You don’t have to look very hard to notice that opposition can be found all around us. Opposition is a part of life. In fact, the Bible gives us a heads up about how we will face problems and opposition in life. The good news is that we can be overcomers with God’s help.

There are many ways you can help your children deal with opposition. Model for them how to use their words positively. Children need to learn how to use their words to respectfully defend themselves if someone is bothering them. I taught my children that if someone is bothering them they are to firmly use their words to tell the person to stop. Then they are to walk away or continue with their activity. Now if it’s a serious problem, like someone is physically harming them or if they are being verbally harassed continuously, then they need to quickly get help from a trusted adult. You can also help your kids by teaching them to ignore when necessary. Assist them in understanding that some comments aren’t worth a response and can be settled by ignoring instead of aggressively arguing back and forth.

Like with anything in life, this is something that has to be taught and reminded to your kids repeatedly. In my years of teaching, I discovered that many children have challenges solving problems peacefully and independently because no one ever taught them the correct way to do it. In graduate school, I took a Young Children’s Conflict Resolution Class. One concept I learned was that children need to learn to solve conflicts on their own without an adult jumping in to intervene for them every time. Unfortunately, there are many adults who don’t know how to get along with others, especially if they have a different point of view. This is probably because they were never properly taught how to do this as a child.

Here are some phrases you can teach your children to say respectfully to help them during conflicts with peers. (1) “Don’t do that to me. I don’t like it.” (2)“Don’t talk rude to me. How would you feel if someone said that to you?” Also it’s beneficial to teach them to stay away from children who are disrespectful to them. When my children tell me someone is unkind to them, I tell them to not play with that child until they decide to be nice. Your children have the power to ignore and stay away from people who are not kind to them. They just have to be taught the proper way to do it.

You can help your children understand that it’s okay if someone doesn’t like the same things they like. We are all different and not going to like everything the same. I remember a time when one of my children’s feelings was hurt because another child said they didn’t like their art work. This was my response, “I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. Do you like your work?” The reply was yes. I went on to say, “Good, that’s all that matters is that you like it. It doesn’t matter if the other person doesn’t like it. You don’t like everything you see. So they don’t have to like everything either. Everyone is not going to like everything you do. You are still wonderful and special.”

Now obviously the other child wasn’t taught that you don’t have to say every thought out loud, especially if it will hurt someone’s feelings. But that’s a conversation for another day. Lol. The point is for your children to learn that in this life people will not always like you or the things you do. They can still love who they are and keep doing their best. The sooner you start teaching your children this, the better.

We live in a world where there is constant judging, difference of opinion, and disrespectful behaviors. Do your best to encourage, teach, and prepare your children to appropriately handle opposition. You don’t want them feeling insignificant or to be discouraged from doing their activities every time they are faced with opposition. It will take time and patience, but you will most likely see improvements in the way they respond, if you stay consistent in guiding them in this area. Doing this prepares them for adulthood. Everything you do (or don’t do) plays a part in how your children will be when they become adults. Don’t give up! You can always pray and ask God to help you through it!