Teaching Your Children to Respect You as Their Parent and Strategies to Help You
It’s very important to teach your children that they should respect you as their parent. It’s sad the level of disrespect that many children have for their parents, as well as for other adults. And to be honest, many times it’s not always the children’s fault. Misbehavior and selfishness come easily to us as humans. It always takes extra effort and self-discipline to do the right things. Many children don’t show respect because their parents never taught them and it was never modeled. Numerous amounts of children are never corrected when they do wrong. How can they show respect and honor if they don’t know how?
As parents, we are to love and respect our children too. Can a child be expected to know how to show respect when they have a parent who is constantly yelling and putting them down for making mistakes or just because they are in a bad mood? It’s helpful to think about how your parents treated you as a child and how it has affected you as an adult. Our childhood experiences always affect our adult experiences in some way.
When teaching children how to show respect, you have to train them how to talk properly. They need to learn how to use positive words and tones. When your children make the wrong choice, correct them in a firm but caring way- not in a way that degrades them. It’s too easy to just let our children get away with disrespecting us because we don’t feel like putting in the time or effort to help them get it right. This is something that should be taught when children are toddlers. It’s interesting because when children learn how to talk and think, they start choosing their own tones and choices of words. As parents, we have to steer them in the right direction.
This is something I have to constantly work at too. I get it. Sometimes we don't correct our kids’ behavior when they talk to us disrespectfully because we are embarrassed. Other times it could be because we don’t want to deal with the potential whining moment from correcting their behavior. I find it helpful to tell my kids that they should talk to me and their dad in respectful tones and to do what we tell them to do. We model both respectful tones and disrespectful tones so they can see the difference. Then we tell them that they should use the respectful tone with us just like they want that treatment in return from us. We also explain there will be consequences if they choose to be disrespectful to us. For example, if they choose to disrespect us, this means they will lose TV time or miss out on a fun activity. Kids want and need love, structure, and direction from their parents. Our children are more willing to respect us and to do what we tell them to do when we show them that we genuinely love and care about them.
I received advice from someone I respect and they said as a parent you have to correctly manage your children’s behavior when they are young because if not, once they become teenagers, they might be out of control and it might be too difficult for you to redirect them because they’re already set in their ways. I know that I do not want to have out of control children or out of control teens. When I was a classroom teacher there were many times when I would see a child who was just so disrespectful to their parent, to the point that having their parent in the classroom to observe their behavior did no good, they actually acted worse. That was a mental note to me on how important it is as a parent to teach positive character and behavior to children starting at a young age. If your children are constantly behaving improperly and being disrespectful, it may be beneficial to have an honest moment with yourself and make a plan of how you will address this, so your children can learn how to be respectful to you and others.
Another thing to always remember is that children are going to make mistakes at times, just like us. And as parents we are going to mess up sometimes too. But you have to have the mindset to keep trying and to always do your best. It’s natural for children to test boundaries at times to see what they can get away with. Help your children to do good things and teach them to respect you as their parents, as well, as other adults. Doing this takes time- lots of dedicated time!
Please check out Parenting Toolkit #2, Lesson 1: Honor Your Mom and Dad on the Free Resources page, if you need help with teaching your kids the importance of respecting you as their parent. The Bible says that children should honor their parents. God can help you as you are teaching this to your kids. It feels good when your children behave well and respect you.