Possible Reasons for Negative Behaviors in Your Children That You Might Not Realize
There are times when parents are surprised about an inappropriate behavior that either their child did or someone else’s child did. They usually don’t understand where the behavior is coming from. My teaching and parenting experiences have taught me there are different factors that can cause negative behaviors in children. Many times we don’t realize the causes. It could be possible that the child picked up the negative behavior from a show they saw on T.V., or from a video game they played, or a song they heard. They could have overheard a conversation or saw someone they know do that behavior such as a parent, cousin, friend, older sibling, uncle, etc. Children observe a lot more than we think they do.
I remember a situation in which a child had done something very inappropriate. After having a long discussion with the mother, she realized that her child probably got the idea to do this from an adult show she and her husband were watching while the kids were around. Teaching in the classroom has taught me that kids are always watching and listening even when we think they are not. This happens even when they are little. My husband and I have learned to talk in code for some topics if our kids are close by. Other times we wait until the kids are doing quiet time in their bedrooms, playing in a different room that is not close by to where we are, or when they have gone to sleep for the night to talk about certain subjects that are too mature for them.
I’ve learned that being a parent requires sacrifice and that we will experience inconvenience many times. I take what my children listen to and watch very seriously because I have seen a lot in my teaching days and I know the dangers of too much mature and inappropriate content being viewed by children. Requiring sacrifice in this area means you might have to wait until later to listen to that adult podcast because your children are sitting in the car with you or playing in the same room as you when you are cooking. You might have to wait to put your children to bed before binge watching your favorite TV shows on Netflix. You might have to tell your children to leave the room during the commercials of a football game because you don’t want them to see a scene from an adult TV show showing someone shooting a gun at people.
Are your kids subconsciously learning things they shouldn’t know about right now? Maybe there is a song that you or someone they know plays that has adult sexual content. Is your toddler or school age child listening to the words and getting those ideas in their head at a young age? Kids pick up on songs and because their brains are like sponges, they can repeat what they hear. Even if they don’t fully understand what they are listening to, ideas are being planted in their head which can affect their future actions as they get older.
Monitoring what your children are watching and listening to takes work. But it’s worth it. You can also teach your children that they can stop watching a show if it starts showing things that are wrong and against moral standards. This way if you aren’t near them while they are watching a show, they can turn it off on their own. Yes, this is possible if you teach your children how to do it. Kids are capable of doing a lot more than we give them credit for.
There have been shows that my children had been watching that we had to stop. And of course they were disappointed. But after explaining to them why we stopped they were able to understand and move on. And we found better shows for them to enjoy.
Every show that is created for children is not appropriate. Just because a show has cartoon characters does not mean it is good for children to watch. Here are some helpful questions to consider. Do you know what your children are watching at home, at their grandparents’ house, at a friend’s or neighbor’s house? It might seem like I’m overreacting, but I can’t express enough how important it is that you know these things and protect your children. Are they learning negative behaviors from the characters on the TV shows they watch and repeating what they see? Are they having trouble sleeping at night because they saw something scary on TV and now they don’t want to close their eyes because the image keeps popping in their head? Does your child have trouble focusing and behaving in school because they stay up most of the night on their electronic devices instead of getting enough sleep to feel well rested for learning in the classroom?
The people your children spend the majority of their time with matters because they will influence them either positively or negatively. Even as adults, we can become negatively influenced if we aren’t careful. “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.” This quote is from the Bible (1 Corinthians 15:33). I’ve seen kids who were on the right path, but went the wrong way because they were spending a lot of time with people who behaved inappropriately.
As a parent, you can help your children with this. You can decline play dates or invitations to hang out with others who will have a negative impact on your children. You don’t have to give a reason to the other person as to why you aren’t attending. Just simply thank them for the invitation and say that you won’t be able to attend. You can set boundaries in life when needed. Seek to find friends and families to hang out with that are positive influences. You might have to initiate, but it’s worth it.
The way your child takes care of themselves can also affect their behavior. Consuming unhealthy foods and drinks on a regular basis can affect your child’s behavior. I was listening to a podcast that talked about how a lot of food is ultra-processed now, with so much added salt and sugar. That’s so detrimental to our bodies and overall well-being. If a child comes to school loaded on sugar, it may be difficult for them to focus on their classwork. Sometimes it causes them to misbehave and distract their classmates from learning. When a child doesn’t get enough sleep, it can cause them to be in a grouchy mood and lead to them disrespecting others.
It’s very beneficial to take time to talk with your kids and explain why you are making changes. If you make a decision to have them discontinue watching a TV show, explain to them why you are doing it. If they can no longer hang out with someone, tell them why. If you are changing the way your family eats, inform them as to why you are doing it. If you are giving them an earlier bedtime and saying they can’t bring their iPad to bed with them, be sure to provide clarity so they understand.
Whenever I have to make changes for my kids I tell them that I love them, that I want what’s best for them, and that everything I do for them is to help them. I tell them that I never try to do things to ruin their fun, it’s just that I care about them and always want to keep them safe. And my kids are receptive of my explanations, even if they are disappointed. There are some situations that might be more complicated and too mature to explain to your kids. In these situations you can tell your kids that you love them and that you cannot explain the details to them right now because they are too young to know about it. Let them know that they can trust you to do what’s best for them.
Sometimes there are issues that our children are experiencing that we can solve on our own if we just pay attention and make the necessary sacrifices and changes for our children. This is not an easy task. It takes commitment, work, sacrifice, and patience. You can train your children with wisdom in this area, starting at a young age. You can be mindful of what shows and songs you play around your babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and school age children. You can be intentional about helping them take good care of themselves.
If you need fun age appropriate music for your kids, it’s available on the Free Resources page of this website. All you have to do is create a playlist on your phone to make it easily accessible for you to play for your kids. Please also check out Parenting Toolkit #2, Lesson 7: Choosing Good Friends on the Free Resources page of this website if you need help teaching your kids how to make wise friend choices. Parenting Toolkit #3: Teaching Your Children to Love and Take Care of Themselves has simple lessons that you can read to your kids to help them in this area. You can research online to find websites that provide information about children’s TV shows. After reading the descriptions and comments, you can use wisdom to determine if the shows are appropriate for your children and align with your moral standards. For Christians, the Bible should be our guide for moral standards.
My hope and prayer is that you will be encouraged to help your children get back on the right track when you notice negative behaviors. Do your best, even when it’s hard, and don’t give up on your kids! God is with you and you can do this!