Setting Expectations for Your Children as a Parent

One strategy that teachers use to positively manage their classroom is to set expectations for their students before doing an activity or assignment. Before hearing a story, students are told they need to sit quietly and listen without talking or playing around. The teacher will tell them that they are going to answer questions after hearing the story. Telling students these expectations ahead of time helps prepare them so the activity can run more effectively.

This same method should be applied to parenting. Kids need to know what their parents expect of them before an event or activity. For example, if you are going to the store, you can tell your children that you expect them to behave properly. Remind them that you are only shopping for the items on your list. Inform them that you do not want them to whine or cry in the store. You might say that if they have a temper tantrum in the store they will lose their TV time at home (or whatever form of discipline you use). Be sure to follow through with whatever you say you are going to do. If you don’t follow through they will not take you seriously. And you make it harder for yourself in the long run.

I can think of times when I was frustrated with my children’s behavior. But if I’m honest, sometimes I was part of the blame because I did not tell them my expectations beforehand. Now there does come a time where children should know better if it’s something you have been teaching them repeatedly. But children do need reminders often. The good thing is that you will notice improvements in your children’s behavior when you consistently set clear expectations for them so they will know what is required of them.

Some parents have told me that their children have a difficult time completing their homework because they don’t feel like doing it. As a parent, it’s important that you set expectations. Explain to your children that you know they are smart and you want them to do their best. Inform them that homework is an important part of their learning and that your expectation is for them to be diligent to sit still for the required time to do a good job on their assignments. Notify them that completing their homework helps make them smarter. Let them know that you expect them to use their self-control and discipline to complete their work, even if they don’t feel like it.

I also believe that parents should tell their children their expectations of how they should behave in school. Parents should tell their children that they expect them to do their best and have good behavior at school. Children need to know that the expectation is for them to listen to their teachers, interact respectfully with other students, and to learn.

You might feel frustrated because your kids don’t clean up after themselves. But have you told them what you specifically need done? Or do you just say clean up and expect them to know exactly what to do? It’s something to think about. I’ve learned with my own kids that I have to clearly state my expectations for cleaning rooms in the house. I made a chores list and they sat with me as I explained my expectations of them.

After reviewing a cleaning expectations chart with your children, you will have to monitor them as they do it to make sure it gets done. This is important to realize. You can’t just talk with them one time and expect them to magically be great at it. It doesn’t work that way. You will be disappointed if you expect that to happen. It’s helpful to accept the fact that we will have to guide them in this repeatedly. Eventually they will get it. And of course you will have “off days” sometimes, where things don’t go as planned and everything is a mess. It’s ok. Just give yourself some grace and be determined to do your best the next day.

Is it fair for children to be expected to do something well when clear expectations have not been set for them? Think about if you are working at your job and you are given an assignment with no clear direction of what should be done. It’s a bit frustrating to get reprimanded by your boss if you never received clear instructions for your tasks. How many times do we mistakenly expect our kids to perform well in areas that we have not clearly explained appropriate expectations for? It’s something to consider. I have to remind myself of this often too.

I hope you are encouraged to make a commitment to help your children do their best by setting expectations for them. You can set expectations for chores, homework, school, behavior… the list goes on and on. Kids generally do better when they have clear expectations. You will have better peace of mind, knowing that your kids are doing what they are supposed to do.